Ever since I gave birth to my daughter, I’ve been conscious of how little and young she is and how I know I will miss all these ages one day. But how do you know when to stop babying your child?
I still remind myself to realize how young she is every day because she is so young and little! As I’m writing this, she is four. She’s a toddler, learning and growing every day with good intentions, full of love, and a nowhere near fully developed brain.
So, when do I stop “babying” her?
Well, what does babying mean? Being patient? Comforting her physically and with my words through her thoughts and feelings?
I mean, that’s how I like to be treated by every adult who I love in my life. So, if “babying” means any of those things, then never.
And something crucial here is listening to your intuition about what your child is ready for.
Are they ready to be sleeping through the night?
Can they recognize when they’re overstimulated or overtired and need a break?
Are they ready to process their emotions on their own even when you’re there? I know I talk to my fiancé a lot about feelings I’m processing, which helps me incredibly.
Additionally, there is no such thing as babying a baby, and patience and comfort are not babying to me. According to current data, these things create independent and psychologically healthy people with healthy relationships with others.
The Science on Babying Your Child
Attachment prompts independence in children.
Firstly, we know that chronic stress is bad for the brain; this is true for adults and especially true for children under 5 years old, whose brains are malleable and, therefore highly vulnerable to stress.
The stress hormone cortisol impacts the hippocampus, the section of the brain involved in learning and memory. In in vitro studies, dripping cortisol on hippocampal cells made them shrink [1, 2]. Furthermore, when letting a baby “cry it out,” neurons even die [3].
A full-term baby (37 weeks+) with only 25% of its brain developed is undergoing rapid brain growth. So, who knows what neurons are not being connected, or being wiped out during times of extreme stress and what deficits can show up years later from regular stressful experiences?
It is argued that ample evidence indicates a sensitive period concerning the effects of stress on the developing nervous system and behavioral outcomes. and with respect to the long-term benefits of early interventions on the brain and behavioral development for some genetically based disordered, such as phenylketonuria and autism. “Moreover, evidence suggests that parental mental health during the first years of life has a significant influence on early brain activity and behavior, and long-term behavioral outcome [4].”
Additionally, research shows that parents’ emotional availability can result in better sleep for their child [5].
There are even more studies that support the evidence provided; many are found in the book “What You Should Know About Cry It Out.” Nevertheless, the truth is that parents who habitually respond to the needs of their baby before the baby becomes distressed and prevent crying are more likely to have children who are independent [6].
Adults Who Were “Babied” as Children
When I imagine an adult who was “babied,” I would imagine them as someone who lacks responsibility and cannot function without somebody helping them.
I believe what makes adults like this are children who were neglected in a way where they were allowed to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted to, in addition to their parents not omitting responsibility to guide and teach them things in the name of “independence.”
And yes, for some, this could force them into independence in an unhealthy and emotionally unstable way. But others will experience this possibility instead, still desiring the guidance they really needed as a baby and child.
Check out my top 5 Positive Parenting Books that Will Change Your Life in addition to “What You Should Know about Cry It Out,” as these books have helped shape me into the conscious and attached parent I am today
Sources
[1] https://news.stanford.edu/news/2007/march7/sapolskysr-030707.html
[2] https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.273.5276.749
[3] Abrahám IM, Meerlo P, Luiten PG. Concentration dependent actions of glucocorticoids on neuronal viability and survival. Dose Response. 2006 Jun 20;4(1):38-54. doi: 10.2203/dose-response.004.01.004.Abraham. PMID: 18648635; PMCID: PMC2477654.
[4] Dawson G, Ashman SB, Carver LJ. The role of early experience in shaping behavioral and brain development and its implications for social policy. Dev Psychopathol. 2000 Autumn;12(4):695-712. doi: 10.1017/s0954579400004089. PMID: 11202040.
[5] Teti DM, Kim BR, Mayer G, Countermine M. Maternal emotional availability at bedtime predicts infant sleep quality. J Fam Psychol. 2010 Jun;24(3):307-15. doi: 10.1037/a0019306. PMID: 20545404.
[6] Stein JA, Newcomb MD. Children’s internalizing and externalizing behaviors and maternal health problems. J Pediatr Psychol. 1994 Oct;19(5):571-93. doi: 10.1093/jpepsy/19.5.571. PMID: 7807291.
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