How to Manage Anxiety as a Mother

DISCLAIMER: This post is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding you or your baby’s health. Please read my Medical Disclaimer for more info

a mother sitting and meditating by her stroller on the beach

I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. When I was a teenager, I became pretty good at noticing my habits changing when my anxiety worsened. Even seeing reoccurring times of the year that it would tend to become more difficult.

blog post author postpartum holding her baby in the hospital

I used a few poor coping strategies growing up to deal with these feelings. Still, I also slowly became much better at creating healthy habits to manage my anxiety and help myself.

Then I became a mother right before I turned 19. Becoming a mother was the best thing for my happiness and health, but of course, I still have anxiety.

Motherhood brings so many new beautiful learning experiences. But for me, I also had to relearn parts of myself I used to know before.

Like, my anxious habits that would show when my anxiety was worsening, these habits changed a lot when I became a mother.

My Postpartum Anxiety Experience

At first, I had postpartum anxiety, which manifested as social anxiety in a way I never experienced before.

Going to stores alone with my daughter was really difficult. When the store wasn’t busy, I still felt extraordinarily disconnected and nervous, and I wasn’t sure why. And I would feel so relieved when I finally made it back into my car with my daughter ready to go back home.

Then when the stores were actually busy, I honestly would just drive back home. This led to me waiting until the last moment to get things we needed sometimes, but I just couldn’t take it.

If you are a postpartum mama and dealing with feelings like these, I recommend seeing a therapist for this. Thankfully, mine got better, but I should have done that because it could have really helped.

How Do I Know When I’m Becoming Anxious as a Mother?

As I mentioned earlier, when I was a teenager, I noticed specific habits of mine when my anxiety was getting worse.

These habits included isolating myself, excessive exercise, obsessive negative thoughts about myself, specifically about my body, and more.

a happy picture of the blog post author standing on a balcony, smiling

Now that I’m older and have been through a lot since then, I have strong confidence, self-love, and self-respect that I believe has changed the way my anxiety manifests itself now.

And I also became a mother. My daily life has changed a lot since I was a teenager with no responsibilities compared to now. It only makes sense that my anxiety would show up differently than it did before.

I Find it Difficult to Sit and Play Presently with My Daughter

a to-do list picture with a phone and hot tea

I’ll find it hard to sit and enjoy playing with my toddler when I’m anxious, and I feel like I can’t stop thinking about my to-do list or even my life in general.

Being present with my daughter daily has always been very high on my priority list ever since I first became a mom.

When my daughter was a newborn, I knew I wanted to do my best every day (like most mothers). I knew I wouldn’t be perfect, but I wanted to do my best to have no regrets about that, at least.

If I’m too caught up in my mind and anxiety that I don’t feel I gave my daughter enough attention, this is when the mom guilt comes in, and we all know how difficult mom guilt can be to deal with.

I Put Unrealistic and Overwhelming Expectations on Myself

This leads to even more overthinking and difficulty being present with my daughter when I become this way.

Most mothers have other aspirations than only being mothers, but we have to be kind to ourselves. I have to remind myself at times in my life that I do not need to be doing everything I possibly can right now.

I shouldn’t make myself feel like I need to be balancing 5 different parts of my life daily and exceeding in every area of those things.

When I’m anxious now as a mother, I tend to feel disappointed in myself for not overachieving in all my life areas as once. Which is putting way too much stress on myself.

I Disconnect Myself

Overwhelming myself with expectations to overachieve is what often disconnects me when I’m anxious.

I’ll disconnect by endlessly researching on my phone how to meet these expectations and make it work to still be happy and make my family happy or by just disconnecting myself in general on my phone or in my thoughts.

And my phone is what makes me feel the most guilty.

Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s fair to be on my phone here and there throughout the day.

I love to post on my Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook page at times in the day. But when my phone becomes a distraction more than healthy or needed, my mom guilt will increase too much, making my anxiety much worse.

How to Manage Your Anxiety as a Mother

1. Be Honest with Yourself

My first tip is to be honest and decide the kind of mother you want to be.

There is no right or wrong answer. I believe all kids just want a happy mom who loves and cares for them, so that’s why it’s crucial to figure out what makes YOU happy.

I personally had a vision of the mother I knew I wanted to be for years before I had my daughter. So when I get overwhelmed by sometimes attempting to do things that are more time demanding than what lines up with my dreams of motherhood, I have to reevaluate.

Journaling helps me get out my thoughts, worries, and dreams to decide what’s realistic and the most important goals to work towards now.

This helps me to stop putting such overwhelming expectations on myself at this time in my life.

2. Be Present

Suppose you’re having a hard time calming your mind enough to enjoy playing. In that case, I recommend setting times throughout the day to be fully present with your child. For example, 20 minutes at a time, multiple times of the day, to be fully present with your child.

mother and daughter playing with pots and pans in the kitchen together

In addition to these times that you’re fully present with your child, I also highly recommend unplugging from your phone the whole day as much as possible.

I believe the more I’m on my phone, I notice I become more sad and anxious. And there are actually studies to show that this happens to many people.

Unplugging when I’m struggling to calm my mind usually will lower my anxiety for the rest of the day.

3. See a Therapist

a therapist and patient sitting and talking

I have gone to therapy at different times in my life, and I believe that therapy is beneficial for everyone at all life stages.

I know it’s hard to feel like you have time, but it can help a lot if you can set aside some time to get everything out that you’re feeling.

And what better way to do that than by talking about it all with a professional?

From there, a therapist can help you decide if you need more assistance with managing your anxiety, like taking prescription medication.

4. Move Your Body

Exercise or yoga can both help with relieving stress and managing anxiety.

Exercise and yoga can help to quiet your mind and improve overall mood.

You could set aside time to do some yoga and exercises when your kids are awake or get out of the house to attend a yoga class or go to the gym if you can. Or you can take the advice of my next tip, which is…

5. Wake Up Before Your Kids

a morning cup of coffee with a journal and pencil on the table

Waking up early before you have anything you need or planned to do can help your mental state for the day dramatically.

I wake up 3 hours before my daughter every day to do some things I want to get done before she is up for the day!

I’m not recommending you wake up 3 hours before your kids (unless you wanted); that’s just what works for me.

I have heard moms say that having just 30 minutes to themselves in the morning is hugely beneficial.

It’s great to be able to slowly wake up, make coffee or tea, do yoga, journal, or any other mindful activity for even just 5 minutes before starting your first task of the day. This helps calm my mind and give me a healthy head start on the day!

6. Write in a Journal

girl writing in a gratitude journal with a cup of coffee

Writing in a journal daily has always been one of my favorite things to do for myself.

I find it beneficial to write about anything on my mind, good or bad. I also use it as a gratitude journal to write down at least 3 things I’m grateful for every day.

I believe writing things you are grateful for every day, no matter how big or small those things are, can improve your thoughts and mood by making this a daily routine.

Journaling also helps me sort out my thoughts by having a bit of time writing them down and expressing my feelings without any judgment.

7. Make Realistic To-Do Lists

As a single mom, I quickly learned not to overload my to-do list every day.

I want to enjoy time with my daughter and avoid being disappointed by not getting every task done I wanted to each day.

I’m happy I learned this lesson because I don’t believe I would have enjoyed as many days as I have so far being a mother to a baby and now my toddler.

Unrealistic to-do lists can lead to feelings of anxiety and frustration.

To avoid those feelings, I go by my goal of getting about 3 tasks done each day (outside of the laundry/dishes and those kinds of things).

But if it’s calling to schedule an appointment, getting through an hour of a class lecture, or going to the grocery store, then all of those would count towards my to-do list.

8. Eat a Healthy, Balanced Diet

What we eat daily can directly affect how we feel every day.

a smoothie with chia seeds and blueberries on top

It’s essential to get all the vital vitamins, nutrients, calories and limit or eliminate caffeine and alcohol to help with depression and anxiety.

I’ve actually had a couple recent changes in my diet to improve my mental and physical health.

The first is that I always have loved drinking lots of coffee. But I now have replaced my second large cold brew with a matcha tea latte or decaf coffee with almond milk in the afternoon.

The second thing I recently changed is getting more protein in my diet. I have never been a big meat fan, and I honestly believed that I would naturally get enough protein as long as I was eating enough.

Well, I was wrong. My hair was starting to fall out like crazy, and I noticed my depression and anxiety getting much worse recently.

I learned that protein is essential for managing depression and anxiety because protein improves neurotransmitters’ functioning. So I have now made a goal of at least 50 grams of protein per day.

9. Get Out of The House

Going for walks or to an outdoor (or indoor) playground can be a great way to get out of the house and get your child’s energy out!

I also enrolled my daughter and me in mommy and me swimming classes and a parent and toddler gymnastics class to help us get out of the house regularly other than only grocery shopping together.

My daughter can interact with other kids this way, and I’m able to meet and connect with other amazing moms at these classes and playgrounds!

Getting out of the house really helps lower my anxiety by getting out of our typical daily routines to have fun together and getting to socialize in these settings is incredibly beneficial for us both!

10. Reach Out to Your Community

I craved connecting to other moms and my family more than ever after I had my daughter.

I messaged women from school who are now moms and tried to connect and help each other.

I also visited my mother a ton and talked to my sister all the time. Having a community like this helped me manage my anxiety so much better than I could have alone.

It can help to call your mother, sister, or a friend for a little if you’re feeling anxious. Talking to someone can make you feel a lot better by just getting out of your head and into a real conversation.

Suppose you have a hard time communicating with your support system. In that case, this is one reason Your Fulfilling Motherhood was made! This is a community with open communication and continuous support just for you!

11. Have Hobbies

a girl reading on a couch with a cup of tea

I believe hobbies are essential for continually accomplishing tasks, learning new skills, and exercising your mind’s creative side.

Hobbies also are a way to destress yourself while still remaining mentally productive.

Some hobbies I love include writing, working on my blog, yoga, reading, making memory books, DIY projects by myself or with my family, and more!

Some more hobbies you can consider picking up are adult coloring for stress relief, exercise, gardening, painting, photography, playing an instrument, and much more!

12. Give Yourself Grace

I have always been very hard on myself, for as long as I can remember. My mother would tell me to treat myself like I would treat my friend or sister if they had my thoughts.

What would you ask them to do about it? Would you be saying the same things to them that you are to yourself?

Putting this perspective on my thoughts always helped me to treat myself with more kindness and patience. And that’s what we should all be doing to love and care for ourselves daily.

Not every day will be perfect, and it’s healthy to let yourself feel how you feel and take care of yourself the best you can on those days.

It happens to us all sometimes. Just remember that you’re not alone, and allow yourself to move on to better days after getting through the bad day the best you can.